Bless It

When you are from the South, you will use the phrase "bless your heart" more times than you realize. Occasionally, we say this and actually mean that we understand, we feel your pain, and/or we just get it. However the majority of the time, we are really saying,  "That fool is so screwed.", or "Yes, screw you very much too."

This is me and July. We have a complicated relationship. If you are in any kind of proximity to me in the month of July, I apologize. More often than not, I do a little happy dance when August 1st rolls around.

July has its fair share of good. We've got births. Both of my daughters were born in July. My friend, Cam, gave birth to a little girl in July. Another old friend had a son in July. Hell, the birth of our nation took place in July.

But we also have deaths.

Remember my friend, Cam? Her daughter, Brooklyn, also passed in July, the 23rd, her birthday. My grandmother passed on July 6th, 2007. One day (and a few years) away from my youngest's birthday of July 7th, 2011. My grandmother loved to go to the casino riverboats so when she passed on 7/6/07, we kind of joked that she almost got that jackpot. Then my youngest was born on 7/7/11 at 11:17am. I knew my grandmother was there. Both of my husband's grandmother's passed in July. One on the 10th, one on the 25th, which happens to be my oldest daughter's birthday too. Most recently, my niece, Kiana, took her own life. On July 23rd. The day my best friend gave birth to and lost her first daughter. Two days later, on my oldest daughter's birthday, my brother lost his childhood best friend to liver cancer.

My niece, Kiana.

I swear I can't make this shit up. And it doesn't get better...

This one time, my friend and her husband and son decided to pack up and move to the peachy state of Georgia. They were back in less than 24 hours because when they arrived at the new rental home, it was falling apart. To the point that there was no way they could stay even one night.

We went camping last year and squirrels ate a hole through our tent to get hot cocoa mix. There was squirrel shit everywhere. Not to mention, it was also 100F in the shade the entire week and we had severe storms. Every day!

Last week, my dad packed up a small bag and headed to Florida. It's about a 15 hour drive from our place to where my brothers live. He originally thought he would leave around 3 or 4 o'clock because it's easier to drive straight through at night. He was ready to go by 11am though so he left out around 11:30am. At almost 4pm, my phone rang. He was stuck. In Chattanooga. Still 10+ hours from his destination. So after my husband had been at work for 10 hours, he got home, did a quick clothing change, and we headed back out. We borrowed a trailer big enough to load up my dad's vehicle, but realized after looking for 30+ minutes and several phone calls, that the ramps my husband just made specifically for the work trailer last week... had been sold by the office manager. So we had to track down ramps before we could leave. We get to Chattanooga and the truck is running fine. He thinks getting caught in a many miles long traffic jam must have messed up some sensor... yada, yada. He follows us home because we failed to realize this trailer HAS NO LIGHTS.

Eight-ish hours later we roll back into Bowling Green. It's 2am. My dad is about to pass out. So we stop at Waffle House, Chris goes home. My dad and I have breakfast and coffee at 2am at a Waffle House that is surprisingly hoppin' for the hour. There were even a couple of guys playing guitars and banjos singing Johnny Cash songs.

Are you still here? Still following along? Bless you. No, seriously.

I hate to even talk about this because it may be embarrassing for her later, but... I had to take my youngest to the pediatrician on Monday because she had what is called a labial adhesion. I'm not going to explain it, but you can gather that the procedure was painful. Moments after leaving the doctor's office with a little girl that just want to go home, Mother Nature let loose a deluge of rain. Flash flooding amounts of rain. I had to stop several times on the way back home because I couldn't see even a foot in front of me. Now she is holding her pee in because it hurts to go to the bathroom and she cries in pain every time. *sigh*

Monsoon season...

My sister-in-law calls on Monday evening and tells my dad he's coming to Florida. She books him a round trip plane ticket. Outbound flight is on Wednesday. Now my two oldest kids are still doing band camp, 8am to 4pm everyday and my son is also doing soccer practices from 7pm to 9pm every night. Rowan has her 4 year vaccines scheduled for Wednesday morning so I call and reschedule those, which works out fine because the new appointment is in AUGUST. Now my friend Pam has an entrance interview type dealio at the school she is starting classes at soon at 8am on Wednesday morning so I tell her it's fine that her daughter stays with us Tuesday. This is ok too because Chris just goes to work an hour later than normal and drops all three kids at band camp. *shoo*

Meanwhile, my dad's flight is scheduled for 9:24am out of Evansville, IN. We get up at 5am. I get myself ready, coax the youngest to please use the bathroom before we leave, fix a cup of coffee, and we are on the road before 6am. Granted it was 5:59am. Still counts as before 6am.

We don't take the shortest route because Google says the road is closed in one section. Google was wrong, but I'll get to that in a minute. Dad is nervous because he hasn't flown in a great many years. He's not sure what to expect anymore. I'm nervous because I don't normally do this kind of driving. The husband usually does all that. We arrived at the airport without incident an hour and a half before scheduled departure. A miracle all by itself. We say our goodbyes and I head back home.

Dad calls about 30 minutes later to let me know they have delayed the flight by an hour. I GOT UP AT 5AM, BUSTED ASS TO GET THERE EARLY AND THEY DELAYED THE FLIGHT. *breathe* I decided I wasn't going to take the long way home and got off the parkway at the next exit. Driving down a skinny, country road in Henderson County, Kentucky between two parkways, I get stopped at some construction where the backhoe is half on my side of the road. The workers help me slowly move between the ditch on one side and the backhoe on the other. Not 10 miles down the road, I run into a farming incident. The entire road is blocked by a "hi-boy" (vehicle with very tall, skinny tires, able to drive through crops without damaging them) that has accidentally fallen off the side of the road and can't get up. So another farm equipment vehicle is there trying to pull it out.

I just want to go home. And drink. At 10am.

Finally get through all of this, make my way to Owensboro, the parkway is not closed (just under constuction), and get myself home. I call my dad to let him know that I've made it safely. His flight doesn't take off until almost 11:30am, two hours after it was scheduled to take off, which means he will miss his connecting flight in Atlanta. They get him on another flight, on a bigger plane, and he is happy.

The roofers finally came, but did not repair the roof correctly (used the brown shingles instead of black ones and only patched areas) and they were supposed to return this week to redo it properly. Haven't seen them. My washing machine stopped working, had to wait a week for the repairman to come, who had to order parts and couldn't return to install them for two weeks. Due to be here tomorrow. Oh and one of our cats got run over.

July. Bless it. One more day.

Pretty Dresses

My brother, Jim, came to pick up our mom this weekend. She is going down to stay with him in Florida for a few weeks. A much needed vacation for her. Plus she'll get to spend time with that side of the family as well. It has been a few years since we'd seen each other. It was a quick trip, he was really only here on Saturday, but he and our mom came over to the house for most of the day.

Mom had a whole chicken that she didn't want to go bad while she was gone so I stuck that in the slow cooker. I used a recipe I will definitely be sharing on here soon, but of course I forgot to photograph the finished chicken. We were all so hungry that we dug right in and ate it all. Nothing but bones left. Poor chicken. Bonus, we got to eat tomatoes and corn straight from our garden.

You know what else I forgot to photograph? Me and my brother. They'll be back in a few weeks. Hopefully with a few more days to hang out and go exploring.

The older kids have started band camp this week. Soccer conditioning has also begun. I'm officially a soccer mom again. (Kaia used to play.) With Mom gone and lounging on a beach somewhere, I haven't a sitter for Rowan so I'm not able to volunteer as I'd like to do for camp. So I've donated bags of tomatoes instead.

Someone hasn't been taking her older siblings being gone very well. Last night it rained quite a bit and filled up her little pool. Today she just would not stay out of it. I kept telling her she would get her pretty dress all dirty.

I turned to see her like this. She said, "Look Mama! I can sit in my chair and play in the water without getting my pretty dress dirty!" I'm not sure if she is a genius or an expert smartass.

Twenty Four Miles an Hour

I took my son driving yesterday evening. Actually he came in the living room with the car keys and said,

"Who's going with me driving?"

A video posted by Christine Bewley ✌ (@christinebewley) on Jul 9, 2015 at 6:19pm PDT

He turns sixteen in October. I can not fathom how he could possibly be this old already.

We live on a road that actually goes nowhere. It used to have a ferry, but something happened long before we became residents of this little rural community and it is no more. Now it is just a few miles of a snaking gravel road located in what everyone around here calls "The Bottoms". As in, the river bottoms. We are surrounded by the Green River here. It's wonderfully fertile farmland, but it does tend to flood often.

We've had quite a bit of rain lately so there were portions of the gravel road that were partially covered in water. I was less worried about the puddles and more worried about the river that was too close for this mama's comfort. He did pretty good though for someone who hasn't really done any driving. Other than a few rounds around the yard.

When we got back to the actual road, he stopped to let me drive. I let him continue because we live about 2 miles from where the gravel begins, but cautioned him to not drive faster than 30 mph.

He drove 28 mph all the way home.

My Gallbladder Surgery - Part Three - A Diary

Now that it's been a week since my surgery I can reflect back with more clarity. Because hydrocodone is pleasant when taken every four hours as prescribed.

When I first got home, I tried to lay down in my bed as I had planned, but quickly realized that wasn't going to work because I couldn't get up or down at all without jabbing abdominal pains.  I felt like I had done a thousand sit-ups the day before.  Laying down wasn't really an option so I took up camp on the couch instead.

Wednesday (Day 1) and Thursday (Day 2):  I felt a bit better.  I tried spacing out the pain meds further than every 4 hours.  The throat dryness and pain was nearly as bad as the stomach pains.  I still wasn't too interested in food though.  I ate yogurt, grapes, oatmeal, potato soup.  Drank lots of water and occasionally a ginger ale.  I pretty much just slept all day.

Friday (Day 3):  I decided to forego pain meds for the day.  I kept reading how everyone had stopped taking them by day three because they can cause constipation.  The thought of having to strain to push out even the tiniest of all turds terrified me.  My throat wasn't hurting anymore so I drank juice, took stool softener, and ate some chicken.  By the time everyone got home from school/work, I wasn't having a good day.  I had become lightheaded and cranky.  Finally, I broke down and took some pain meds around 9PM and suddenly all was right with the world.  I slept all night.

Saturday (Day 4):  I really did feel better.  Still had some lightheadedness, which I am attributing to the fact that I hadn't eaten enough to keep a bird alive up to this point.  My appetite actually returned.  I ate some peanut butter crackers, grapes, Goldfish.  I got up and moved around, even went outside for a bit.  I had been getting up and down and using the bathroom on my own up to this point already, but by Saturday I didn't really have to have a pillow smooshed up on my belly.  I moved myself to my bed from the couch.  I even had a "proper" supper of baked fish with side veggies.

Sunday (Day 5):  I pooped!  Too much information?  Probably, but after 4-ish days of pain meds, daily stool softeners, and fear of painful pushing, actually going #2 gave me a bit of relief.  I felt like that was my last hurdle to cross.  Getting up and down was so much easier and I even ventured outside for a while.  Standing for too long is still a problem though.  I ate two pieces of bacon with no adverse effects.  Thank god.  I love bacon.  But to be honest, other than these "attacks" I'd had three times, I really had/have no other food related issues.  Sure, eating a bowl of Ramen noodles always gives me the scooties, but who eats Ramen and DOESN'T have to go poo?!  My new fear is that I will have issues eating certain foods that I did not have before my gall bladder was removed.  Since Friday, I have only been taking pain meds at bedtime.

Monday (Day 6):  I am feeling about 80% myself again.  I slowly sipped on a cup of cappuccino this morning.  Stomach seems to take it just fine.  I can actually stand up straight now with minimal pain in my abdomen.  I feel a little itchy.  Kind of on the inside, kind of around the dressing.  I want to take it off now, but the nurse made sure to tell me several times to leave it on for one week.  Tonight was my son's first band banquet and I missed it.  It made me sad.  I probably could have gone, but I wasn't sure if I could sit in a hard chair for a few hours and still be comfortable so I skipped it.

Tuesday (Day 7):  I gave in.  Took the bandage off last night.  I did wait until about 8pm to do it though.  I just couldn't stand it anymore!!   I feel 95% myself today.  I double checked my discharge instructions and it said to make a follow-up appointment for a week.  When I called she made my appointment for two weeks.  Oops.  I'm not having any adverse side effects so I think two weeks is ok.  I realized yesterday that I've lost my flip flops.  I wore them to the hospital on surgery day and I know that I didn't leave the hospital barefoot.  So I lost them some where between surgery day and Thursday.  Those days are a little lost to me so....

Conclusion:  Surgery sucks.  At 36, I'd never had any major surgery.  It wasn't fun, but it wasn't as bad as I anticipated it to be.  Basically it boils down to my abdomen feeling like I had done a million sit-ups for a week.  I was lucky that the doctor was able to do a single site surgery and I have only one incision in my belly button.  A quick search of the gallbladder surgery hashtag on Instagram reveals that 99% of the surgeries had multiple incisions.  And that was the original plan according to the doctor.  I didn't know until I woke up in recovery that there had only been one.

I am thankful and I am grateful to my family and friends who helped me out the last week. It would have been nearly impossible to get by without them.

My Gallbladder Surgery - Part Two

So that anesthesiologist knocked my ass out without even so much as a warning.  And thank whatever god you please for that because I DID NOT want to see the operating room.

When I woke up, the first thing I remember was noticing the clock across the room from me.  I didn't have my glasses on so I was virtually blind.  That's when I started to talk.  It went down something like this.

I looked at the nurse and said... nothing because I couldn't get any words to form.  Stupid breathing tube done jacked up my throat.

Nurse:  "Would you like some water?"

Me: nods furiously, nurse hands me a styrofoam cup of ice water

It was freakin' amazing.  I remember telling myself to sip slowly.  I did not want to hurl.

Me:  "I don't have on my glasses, but does that clock say it's 6 o'clock?"

Nurse:  "It sure does!"

Me:  "Can I have water when I get home?"

Nurse:  "Uh huh, you sure can.  Are you in pain?"

M:  "A little, but you know this isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I love those things on my legs. *lifts legs*  They're like little massages for your legs.  They are awesome."

N: "Yes, they're compression so you don't get blood clots."

This is where things get a bit foggy.  I think I asked something else about going home or if I could pee when I got home...  I'm not sure, but the next thing I remember is being back in the secondary recovery area with my new nurse, Sandra. 

Sandra is a blessing.  She talked to me in a soft, pleasant voice.  She came into the room and, as she was noticing my cup of water, asked if I'd had something to drink yet.  I told her that I had and she said...

Sandra:  "That's great!  Let's get you up so you can go to the bathroom."

M:  "Okay!"

Sandra:  "Oh, I guess you already peed.  Did you know you had gone hun?  Just feel down there."  *points*

M:  *feels the bed behind my butt*  "Uh... yeah, nope.  Had no idea.  Sorry."

Yep, I peed in the bed.  I think now that must have been what I was asking the first recovery nurses about.

So sweet Sandra helps me to the bathroom (I do not remember the trip there) and helps me get out of my hospital granny panties.  Let me just add right here that those suckers are fabulous.  She got a warm, soapy wash cloth, cleaned me off, then handed me another warm wash cloth to rinse with.  While I was rinsing off, I asked Sandra if this counted as eliminating.  It's one of the requirements for getting to go home.  And she said, "Absolutely honey!"

I love Sandra.  She helped me get dressed then went to get Chris.  The husband, not the anesthesiologist.  She asked if I needed anything for pain, but then checked my chart and realized I'd already been given a healthy dose of demerol.  I asked her how long I needed to wait before taking any of my pain meds that the doctor had prescribed and she told me to take them as soon as I wanted.  She let me know they'd ended up giving me three bags of fluids, which is probably part of the reason I'd peed on myself.  

She told me not to take off my bandage for a week.  "Just the one bandage!," she said, "because they used the daVinci machine."  She helped me into a wheel chair, helped me into my car, blessed my heart, and sent me on my way.

My Gallbladder Surgery - Part One

I was not nervous on the day of surgery.  Every other day leading up to surgery day was a different story.  I tried to think of every reason why I should not have my gallbladder removed.  To be honest, my hindsight is telling me that I probably should have just let it go.  

I've had three "attacks" since January.  The last one was in April and I went to the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack.  The ER doctor told me that he couldn't really contribute what I was feeling to the gallstones they discovered, but that it could very likely be the culprit.  I made an appointment to speak with a gastroenterologist just to hear his opinion of the ultrasound results.  In the meantime, I consulted Dr. Google.  I briefly considered trying to flush the stones "naturally", but my brain immediately went into panic mode and I knew for certain that a stone would become lodged in my common bile duct and I'd die of pancreatitus. 

So they scheduled my surgery for May 12th at noon.

I arrived a little early because that's just what I do.  Then we waited.  And waited...

Finally they called me back to get prepped.  Around 1:30PM.

The nurse, Dana, got my IV started with only one stick, but it was rough.  

She said, "Wow, that vein was a tough one."  

I responded, "Probably because I haven't had anything to eat or drink in more than 15 hours."  

She got a bag of fluids started.  We began to wait again.  Because as per the usual for life, things were running behind.  A previous surgery had taken a bit longer than expected.  So the person before me was behind too.  

Nurse changed from Dana to Rocky.  When they came into my room to let me know they were changing shifts, the first nurse realized I'd almost gotten the entire bag of fluid already.  Whoops.  So she let the new nurse know I'd be needing a new bag.  Rocky changed my bag and lowered the drip level.  Thank you Nurse Rocky.  That was the last time I saw her.  Somewhere in here I began to freak out and considered running for my life.

Anesthesiologist came in around 2:30ish, his name was Chris.  He asked me all the routine questions. He explained to me what he would be doing.  

He said, "What I'm going to do is, when we get ready to go to the OR, I'll put something in your IV to relax you.  Then when we get to the OR, I'll give you an oxygen mask.  It's going to smell funny, like rubber, but that is normal.  When you are asleep, I'll put a breathing tube in so that we'll make sure your airway is clear and you are breathing normally."

"Okay?", he said.

"Okay.", I said.

That is not what happened.  At 3PM, the nurse and Chris came into the room to take me back.  I gave my husband a kiss and hug and told him bye.  At the same time, the anesthesiologist was pushing that "something to relax" me into my IV.  

I said, "Oh that's warm.  Is that th.... yes, it is."

That's all I remember.

Adventures on a Thursday

Thursday began normal enough.

A 3am wake up from the 3.5 year old proclaiming her need to pee.  As I shuffle into the bathroom without glasses in the dark, she then asks in the sweetest voice, "Mama, can I sleeps with you now?" Duh.  I'm just happy she's not likely to pee on me between now and 6:30am because she just went. So we both shuffle back to the bed.  That's when I realize that my husband isn't in the bed.

I get her all snuggled in.  I shuffle off again to find what happened to hubs.  I find him propped up on the couch with a washcloth over his eyes.  Super.  He's flash burned his eyes.  AGAIN.  He is a welder/fabricator so this has happened before.  He bought a new welding helmet recently and is still getting adjusted to the new settings.  Once I know what the dealio is...  I shuffle back off to bed.

I get up at 6:15am, make some coffee, turn on the local morning news.  Listen to the snores coming from the couch.  Getting the two oldest kids out of bed for school is always the most fun part of my day.  They finally wander out of their rooms in time to make it to school.  I don't think my daughter brushed her hair.  I hand her a hair tie and tell her to bun it.  I'm nervous and not paying much attention because Thursday was my appointment with the gastroenterologist.

I arrived 15 minutes early because I knew I would have to fill out a few forms.  I start talking to the receptionist and after a few minutes she asks for my insurance card and a picture ID.  Sure.  Oh wait...  I left my damn wallet in the car.  So I shuffle speedwalk out to the parking lot and grab my wallet.  She hands me my paperwork and tells me to go to the next waiting room.

Behind me the waiting room begins to fill in.  Apparently there are a couple of older than me couples sitting behind me (I didn't swivel around to look to see just how much older).  They begin chatting about food, people... politics.  It began as a little conversation about the current candidates for Kentucky's governors office.  Somehow this conversation morphed into gay people.  At first I was upset, maybe a little angry, when one of the ladies mentioned how so and so's cousin's brother was "that way" and how she wondered what the "older folks" must think of "all this mess".

I began to realize while listening that I wasn't really feeling anger.  I was embarrassed.  Embarrassed that people still have these kinds of views.  It all felt so 1950's to me.  Like I was overhearing the conversation at a cocktail party.  It's hard for me to convey the inflections of their conversation or even all of the conversations.  I wanted to say something.  I felt the need to say something, anything.  But I heard my husband's voice in my head telling me to not get into it.  He usually is the one to talk me down from confronting people.  THEN!  The same woman who was condeming so and so's cousin's brother for being "that way", began talking about Etta's granddaughter who married that one boy after they had that baby together and how she'd just kicked him out of the house, etc., etc.  I just continued knitting away and said in my best sing song voice, "That's a SIN TOO!!!"  Sorry hubs, I tried to keep my mouth shut.

By this time, it's 9:20ish and the nurse opens the little window and says the doctor isn't in yet.  She doesn't know where he is.  My appointment was at 9am.  He must have had a sixth sense about the nurse because she called me back just after her announcement.  It went pretty quickly.  Not the news I wanted to hear and in about 2 weeks I'll be sharing loads of gallbladder surgery photos and recovery tidbits.  It's going to be amazeballs.  Not.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!  We're just chillin', watching the evening news when I see one of our neighbors (that lives about 3 miles down the road because we live in the kuntry y'all) pull into our driveway on a tractor.  We go outside to say hello and he says, "Y'all want a garden?"

Uh... yes, please! So he used the disc to turn over a huge spot in our backyard.  He even said he'd come back in a few days and till it all up for us!  Now it's already May and I'm frantically trying to research what I can buy and plant to get this sucker growing.  I have grand dreams of canning my own salsa and eating fresh canned green beans in December.

And my Thursday ended just as normally as it started.

Ballgladder

It's the middle of April.  Wait...  WHAT?!  How has it been more than a month since I last posted?  I am so confused because I was sure that I had been posting for the last month.  Just kidding.  I've been digging myself out of that 15 inches of snow we got in March.  It took me all this time to find my way to fresh air again.

Yesterday, I found that fresh air at the hospital.  Let me give you a little backstory.

I've suffered from anxiety attacks for a few years.  Sometimes these attacks are mild. Sometimes they are not mild.  Once I didn't leave my house for 3 months.  So when I began to have pain, I knew immediately that it was NOT anxiety.

It first happened back in January.  Tightness. Pain. Nausea. Sweats.  Around my rib cage, just under my boobs and around toward my back.  Both sides, but mainly just the right side when I could feel it in my back.  I thought that I had possibly pulled a muscle so I took a hot bath.  After about 15 minutes, I was having trouble breathing because of the nausea and tightness.  I was moments from asking the husband to take me to the hospital when... it just stopped.

That's what happened the second time it happened too.  Suddenly started and stopped just as quickly, but this time it only lasted for around 10 minutes.  I've never been doing anything strenuous when the attack has started.  Yesterday, I was knitting.

I, for reals, thought I was having a heart attack.  This time I decided to go straight to the hospital.  My grandmother had her first heart attack when she was only 33 years old so it's not a stretch to think that I may be having one at 36.  I remembered seeing an interview that Rosie O'Donnell did about her heart attack, how it wasn't like they show on tv.  No sharp pain, gripping chest, and falling over.  She said she'd had tightness and pain in her chest for a couple of days before she went to the doctor.  So I called the husband who was at work and asked him to drive me.  By the time he got home, the tightness had stopped.  I suddenly started questioning if I should go or not, but ultimately, it's best to be safe.

The ER staff was great and friendly.  I told them what was going on and they immediately hooked me up to an ECG machine, O2 sensor, and blood pressure cuff.  Asked me all the usual questions and drew some blood.  A little while later, the doctor came in and told me that the ECG looked great, my blood pressure was also great, and my oxygen was near 100 the whole time.  This was like someone took two tons of rocks off my chest (figuratively).

However, he sent me for an ultrasound. Of my gallbladder.

{source}

The tech was nice, but ugh.  I had to "take a deep breath" and "don't breathe" far too many times for my liking.

Good news: no heart attack.  Bad news:  I have gall stones.  Probably need surgery to have my gallbladder removed.  I have never had any kind of surgery before so it's a little scary.  To be honest though, I was just so happy to see a normal ECG and hear him say I wasn't having a heart attack that I was actually glad when he said I had some gall stones.

How bad is it that I was happy to have gall stones?!?!

Online Eyewear

Way back in November, I told y'all about my trials and tribulations with my eye doctor over my prescription.  I finally got around to ordering a pair online.

DISCLAIMER:  I was not asked, propositioned, or solicited in any way by the following company to review their product or service.  I did not receive any free or discounted product for this post.  I just wanted to share my experience.

I chose to go with Zenni Optical.

They have a wide selection.  Men, women, and kids.  If you are worried about price, like myself, they even have a whole section for only $6.95!  I opted to go with a pair that were $19.00 though.

Image source

Price is a big factor for me.  My current insurance doesn't cover new frames or lenses.  I definitely can't afford to shell out $400 for a new pair.  Shipping is $4.95 per order.  So if you want to buy multiple pairs at a time, still just $4.95 to ship.  My total was only $28.90.  

I placed my order on December 22nd knowing/expecting to not receive them until after Christmas.  They shipped on December 31st.  Somewhere between leaving San Francisco, CA on January 2nd and arriving in Nashville, TN on January 6th, my glasses took a four day vacation.  I speculated that they were chillin' in Nebraska.

Until they were scanned at Nashville, the expected delivery date was still showing January 3rd.  Ironically, I contacted Zenni via their live chat on the 6th and got a pretty lazy ass response.  Basically they said... we checked the tracking number via the USPS website and your package left CA on January 2nd.  The "expected" delivery date is just a best guess.  You need to give it a few more days.

...

Gee thanks for that generic ass response that tells me nothing I don't already know Zenni rep.  Please don't be troubled enough to research where my package is.  *le sigh*  In the end, my glasses arrived and that's what matters.  I mean, I paid less that $30 for these.

Packaging was a bit less than what I was expecting.  My mail lady was able to just put it in my mailbox.  I was a little bit worried.

Just a basic bubble mailer.

Even though the packaging was a little skimpy, the glasses and contents were not broken.  My order came with a plastic case (padded on the bottom), cleaning cloth, PD measurement tool (more on that in a minute), and my glasses.

Taadaa!  New glasses.

I can see just fine, but there are a few issues.  These glasses are smaller than I anticipated so they fit quite snugly.  Remember the PD measurement tool?  PD stands for pupillary distance, which is the distance between the center of each pupil to the other.  This number is used to make sure the center of focus on your lenses is in the correct place.  Zenni has a printable measurement tool that I printed out and used to check mine.  Because don't ya know the eye doctor didn't write that on my prescription.  Anywhosie...  I measured myself several times then I had my husband measure a few times (measure twice, cut once theory) and we got the same number.  63.  I think I may have measured a few millimeters off OR I just need to let my eyes adjust to the new shape/size of these lenses/frames.

When I am looking straight forward through my glasses, all is well.  It's the peripheral that is a little off for me.  It's a bit distorted and causes me to be unfocused for a second.  I seem to remember having this issue when switching to new glasses in the past too.  I'm just hyper aware of it this time because I feel like I did this all by myself and I don't want to mess up my vision.

Conclusion:  I will definitely buy more glasses from this site.  In fact, I'm super excited about trying out some sunglasses.  I've been wearing glasses since about the 2nd or 3rd grade.  Never worn sunglasses, just squinted my way through life.

My Year Ahead Spread

I grew up with my mom reading her own tarot cards so I wasn't exactly new to them.  I'd never really gotten into doing them myself before, didn't have a deck of my own, but last year I saw a deck that absolutely screamed at me to buy them.  

They are so dreamy.  I have done a couple of readings, but still a total novice.  I just love to look at them.  So when I saw the creator sharing her "year ahead spread", I thought... why not?  If I want to learn, I have to just jump all in!

Year ahead spread with The Wild Unknown tarot deck

Excuse my quickly snapped, slightly blurry phone photo.  The thing about tarot is while all the cards have their own meanings, how you read them is open to interpretation.  Or at least, that's how I see it.

This spread has 13 cards.  Basically one for every month and an overall view of the year ahead.  

Right out of the gate, it looks like I may have some difficulties coming my way, but if I can find my way through them, it looks positive.  Especially creatively.  I love to sew and knit.  I kind of had a boost to my confidence when I read things that said to take action, not be afraid to begin, be confident, and find my inner warrior (thanks Chariot card!).

So here I come 2015.   I'm going to make it a good year.

Snow Day!

It's officially SNOW DAY #1 here in western Kentucky.  We have basically a half inch of snow on the ground.  I know for you Northerners this sounds crazy, but we take our tiny snowfall amounts VERY seriously.  I made my required trip to the grocery to purchase supplies for the forthcoming blizzard.

Bread?  Check.
Milk?  Check.
Most important item?  TOILET PAPER!  Check!!

Then I sat in my yoga pants and a hoodie for the whole weekend!  I'm a rebel.  A lazy, lazy rebel.  I was able to finish up a couple of knitting projects that I had going though!

I bought the Milo vest pattern from Tikki Knits waaaay back in 2013 and have kept putting it off because it's knit completely in the round.  I hope that after I have been knitting for a few years, my fear and difficulty with the beginning of rounds will go away.  Of course, I had a little bit of trouble at first, had to frog and start over.  Now that it is done, I absolutely love it!  I've never knit anything with a cable and it was easier than expected (I did chose what I thought was the easiest one though) and love the way it turned out!

Funny girl with her crazy faces!

The second finished project is the Margot & Iris Tunic by Fawn Pea.  I actually started this project back in September.  I got bored with it and it sat in a bag for a month.  I used a 100% acrylic yarn for it and I should have used something with a little (or A LOT) of cotton instead.

I've never blocked a project before, but this one really needs it.  Except everything I've read says to not block acrylic yarn because it will mess up the garment.  AHHH!  I haz the confusion.  As you can see from the above photo the bottom garter stitch edge is rolling up pretty badly.  To the point where you can't see the pretty decorative stitching!  And the arms....  I would definitely do them differently next time by adding more rows between the body and the decorative rows and them make them a bit longer as well.

Next project, a scarf!

Blue Bow Tie Baby

Saturday evening Neil comes in the living room.

Neil:  "Mom, I need black dress pants, a white button up shirt, and a tie."

Me:  "Err, ok.  When do you need these by?"

Neil:  "Tueday."

Gee, son.  Thanks so much for the short notice.  You're swell.

Sunday, my husband takes him when he goes to buy a few groceries.  Comes home with a nice pair of black dress pants that they found at St. Vincent de Paul for only $3 (!!!) and a nice, white button up shirt with ugly brown tortoise shell buttons. No tie.  Husband says that the ties were just too expensive.  Seriously?!?  Blarg.

I did the only thing I could think of to do.  I made one instead.

I used the pattern and instructions found here, pulled out some satin-y, silky, royal blue fabric, and started sewing!

I was really surprised how easy it was to make one after I got into it.

Just cut out the pattern pieces (fabric and interfacing).

Sew them together and cut off the excess fabric around the edges so they are all nice and pretty.

Turn those suckers inside out with a nifty little knitting needle!  Press 'em flat.

Fold the ends inside 1/4 of an inch and place one inside the other.  Sew the seam.  Mine was a little wonky, but no one is going to see it so SHHHH!  Don't tell.

Press it nice and flat.  Behold the awesomeness that is your first bow tie.  Patiently wait for your son to get home from school.  

*insert Jeopardy music*

Get bored and decide to remove the ghastly brown buttons and replace them with white ones.  Smile.  Realize you have no idea how to tie a bow tie.  Panic.  Watch this video by Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Laugh and learn how to tie a bow tie!

BAM!  Bow tie!!

Then...  I'm told it's supposed to be black.  *facepalm*  Well it's blue damn it so deal with it.

Productivity

A gloriously lazy weekend was had by me.  Saturday I stayed in my pajamas and didn't even put on a bra all day long.  It was AWESOME.  I think I am still trying to recover from the band competition debacle from last weekend. *shudders*

Good news though.  I did manage to get another knitting project finished!  An earflap hat for Neil.  Luckily he pays no attention whatsoever to what I am knitting.  I actually started on Friday, but it just did not feel or look right to me.  I cast-on three times and frogged three times.  Finally just ended up sort of making up the earflap part of the pattern I was using.  I have not been knitting anywhere near long enough to be making it up as I go along, but you know what?  It worked.

This was the best picture I could get to show the color of this yarn.  It's a neon green, but so hard to get right on camera.  He loves that color for some strange reason, but I didn't want his head to look like a big neon green beacon so I mixed it up with some black.  Haven't really ever done a project with stripes before I am thrilled with the way it turned out!

Yay for lazy weekends in pajamas!

And So It Begins...

I got the yarn for Christmas presents today!!  

Promptly realized I don't have size 13 circular needles.

Second guessed the super thin sport weight yarn.

Started on the Leethal Mary Janes.

Ooo!  Ooo!  And I voted!

Whaat whaaat?!

*crickets*

Yes, yes... I know.  I am the single WORST blogger in the history of bloggers.  It's been almost a month since I even logged on to my dashboard.  Blogging is serious business apparently and I am much too scatterbrained and busy to remember to post daily.  I am envious of the ladies who find the time to post on the regular.  I always have the best intentions, but life ALWAYS comes first.

As you know, lately we've been dealing with a whole Mack truckload of life.  Every weekend it's been a football game and/or a marching band competition.  Last weekend saw us getting up at 1:45am to have our son to the high school by 2:45am for dress and head out for state semifinals and finals.

Getting up at 1:45am wasn't even the worst of what we had to go through.  We were the first band to perform.  It was 32F degrees (wind chill of 22F degrees), snowing, the field was slippery and wet, and the wind was blowing about 20mph for the entire day.  Some students instruments had to be unfrozen from their hands.  Skin was lost.  The poor color guard girls were wearing what amounted to tissue paper.  It was the most ridiculous conditions I have ever seen and I am still dumbfounded that the officials of the KMEA allowed the contest to continue.

I've been reading trying to make sure I hit my goal of 25 books for the year.  I attempted a book that I read some great reviews about, but seriously....  all the nopes.  I only managed to get about 100 pages in.  It was just a difficult read and couldn't hold my interest.

When I wasn't reading, I was (and still am) working on a Margot & Iris Tunic for Ro.  It is almost complete.  I only have 4 rows on one arm and the other arm to finish.  I'll need to get on this quick as I have some yarn coming in the mail for six projects I want to get done for Christmas.  Yes, I know this is rather ambitious.  Do not rain on my parade.

Did I also mention that we ripped up all the carpet from our living room?  Yes, we did that.  No, it doesn't look good.  The beautiful hardwood is under there, but the previous carpet before the one we ripped up ...  *sigh* ... well, it was GLUED DOWN.  So we have a bunch of funky old glue and glued down padding just chillin'.

Oh and also... my son was baptized yesterday.  So there was that.

No Rain, No Rainbows

Coming off of the worst September in recent memory, we roll right into October where Mercury goes retrograde four days in.  Oy vey.

I feel like I may have Vaguebooked my blog.  I can't help to think that I am not alone in the struggles with my teenage daughter.  To be honest, I was vague because I was embarrassed.

Embarrassed that I had let her become someone that I didn't even recognize, but even more by her behavior.  Her backtalking, eyerolling, dressing like some emo kid who was being treated horribly by her parents and peers.  In reality, she shouldn't be complaining because we do everything we can to make sure our kids are allowed to be themselves, participate in their lives on as many fronts as we can.

Here is what happened.

The last Saturday of September the band had two band competitions.  One in the morning, the other in the evening across town from each other.  In between, the kids were taken to the mall to hang out and eat for about an hour and a half.  We took a big cooler and another family and ours fixed all our kids sandwiches in the parking lot.  My daughter and her friend decided they had their own money and would eat inside.

We ate, sent our other kids on their way, and did a little window shopping while we were in the area.  We never left the mall.  We checked in with both our daughter and our son.  I had to use the bathroom.  Upon leaving the bathroom, I phoned my husband to make sure he was still in the store that I had left him in.

He wasn't.  Then he spoke the words I pray I never hear ever again.

"I am standing outside (the store we were previously in) with Kaia.  And a security officer."

She had shoplifted.

At first, I was livid.  I could not believe she would make such a choice.  As we made our way to the security office, I phoned the band director as she was technically on a band field trip.  He was just as livid.  Turned out that my daughter and her friend had taken a $10 ring.  I was even more disappointed to find out that in addition to the ring, my daughter had also peddled some gloves.

You know that saying you hear on TV, "I'm not mad, just disappointed."?  That is EXACTLY what I felt.  I felt disappointment, anger, embarrassment.  Making matters even worse was the store employee who just couldn't stop fucking SMILING the whole time.  Like she was the cat who had finally caught a mouse.  It was disgusting.  She looks at my husband and I and tells us that her store prosecutes no matter how old the person is.  Flashing her inappropriate smile the whole time.

Then... the entire band walks past the office because that's the way to get back on the buses.   Thank goodness the police officer hadn't arrived yet.

He wasn't very lenient with the girls.  He shouldn't have been.  They are only 13 years old and instilling some fear in them was needed.  He explained that if they were 18 they would be going to jail.  Even if all they had taken was a pack of gum.  He talked to each girl separately, spoke to both sets of parents (her's had to be called because they weren't there), and spoke to everyone together.  We didn't say anything to her.  The other mother had plenty of belittling things to say to her daughter.  Very loudly.

I kept it together for the most part.  However, when the officer began reading the girls their Miranda rights, I had to seriously think about my body language.  When he turned them around and handcuffed them, I had to look away.  I didn't want her to see me cry.

He told us he was going to cuff them, put them in the back of his car, while he filled out their paperwork.  After about 45 minutes, the other girl was released to her parents custody.  Where her mother began berating her again about how she would never see another band competition and so on and so forth.  Another 45-ish minutes later, after explaining when her court day is, what she is being charged with, and who the judge will be, he released our daughter to our custody.

I did the only thing I knew to do.  I wrapped my arms around her and told her I loved her.

After it happened, my husband took her home, I attended the second competition because our son is also in band, and then I caught a ride home with another parent.  It was the next day before I spoke with her about what happened.  It was a lengthy discussion in which I told her that everyone makes mistakes in life, it is what we do with ourselves after those mistakes that define who we are, who we will become.

She has been banned from the high school marching band for the rest of the year.  Removed from the middle school band for the next nine weeks and put in in-school suspension for four days.  We have no idea what the judge will decide, how much that shoplifted $37 worth of stuff will end up costing us.

I have seen a change in her attitude.  However slight it may be, it is still a positive.  At first she was reluctant to let go of the bad influences, but once she finally did, I saw her begin to climb out of the valley.

So that's where we are now...

Total Meltdown in 3... 2...

September is not being kind.  There is a laundry list of issues.  Some I can't talk about because well... they just aren't worth that much of my time and I'm trying to let it go, but one thing has been bothering me for a while and  I'd like to focus on that today.

We've always been open to letting our children do their own thing.  Crazy hair colors, clothes choices (within reason), musical tastes, etc.  I'm aware that raising boys verses raising girls requires separate skill sets.  That's become obvious over the years.  As my son has gotten older, he's mellowed out and become more level headed.  My daughter... *insert huge sigh here*

When she first started middle school two years ago, she was a happy, bubbly girl.  In our location, the middle school is where two different elementary schools come together.  So she made new friends.  Slowly, the older friends weren't friends anymore.  As time has gone on, she's become more introverted.  Less happy.  More "emo".  If I never hear another "whate-v-e-r" or see another black t-shirt, it'll be too soon.  I've made many suggestions, tried buying clothes for her.  To no avail...

Last year, I had teachers, parents, other students warn me that my daughter was "hanging" with the wrong crowd.  That these kids were not the best choices for her.  I listened, but I didn't act.  Oh, I've had the conversation many times about branching out and making new friends, changing up the wardrobe.  Nada.  I get tuned out.

Now it's come down to this... my husband got a phone call from the assistant principal that lasted for more than 30 minutes and nearly got him in trouble with his boss yesterday.  She had her phone taken away because she was using it when she wasn't supposed to be, but then that led to the phone call.  Where the AP then tells my husband the same thing we've already heard, get her away from this group of kids.

We sat her down last night and had an at length conversation about how this behavior has steadily gotten worse and now it has become a detriment to her life, her education, her future.  Of course, her phone was confiscated since my husband had to go retrieve it from the school, but I did the only thing I could think to do...

I forbid her from associating with these kids anymore.

I know it's not realistic, but I'm completely lost.  I told her that I know I can't follow her around school all day or make sure she isn't talking to them, but that I trusted her enough to make the right choices.  That this was going to have to be a choice that she makes.

Throughout this whole ordeal I've tried to reassure her that we love her and care about her future.  I told her that I was being so hard on her because I do care.

I seriously need for September to move on out and for the planets to align is some other formation because I'm about to stroke out.

Keep Calm and ... Oh Who Am I Kidding

No time to keep calm about anything around here!  Totally missed the "Currently" post last week.  Forgot all about it.  I'm just going to do a quick little post so y'all know I haven't skipped the country.

A mod podge of everything...

+ Finally finished the first four seasons of Lost Girl!  I promptly realized that the next season doesn't start until NEXT YEAR! WHAT?!

+ Tried Jamberry Nail Wraps for the first time.  See here, here, and here.  It didn't go as well as I would have liked.  I took them off after just a week.  First time application combined with user error and it wasn't working.  Currently I'm on the next wraps, used one of their application kits, process was much easier.  Practice makes perfect with these things.

+ Football game Friday night.  The daughter was MIA for the band halftime show.  Thirteen year old drama ensued.  Cell phone confiscated.

+ Saturday there were two band competitions.
     - See last point. Late night followed by a full day of competitions.  Zombie mom.
     -The first competition was the home hosted show.  I was slung into a volunteer position. Thankfully it didn't involve too much interaction with people.  Except I was to ensure that no one was run over by the exiting PIT equipment.  Apparently no one understands the concept of NOT CROSSING the bright yellow "DO NOT CROSS" POLICE LINE tape.  People kept just going under it until I looked like the psycho band mom who was all...  STOP CROSSING OVER MY "DO NOT CROSS" POLICE TAPE!!!!
     - My lips got sun and wind burned.

     - Second competition.  We arrived and the stadium was full.  They had roped off a section for visiting bands.  Except it wasn't big enough.  So they opened up half of it for spectators instead.
     - Forgot my throw blanket.  Promptly froze while sitting in the stands.  Because... HELLO FALL WEATHER!
     - Concession stand had no hot cocoa.  Or coffee.

+ Recipes I used this week that I didn't have time to photograph or write a post about.
     - Oven Tacos from Mommy? I'm Hungry!
     - Tomato and Mozzarella Pasta from Annie's Eats

Poops

I know this is the most interesting blog post title you have ever read, isn't it?

I've had many things happen to my older kids that seemingly happen to all young kids at some point in their lives.  Falling off beds, picking noses, seeing parents naked.  But never the things my toddler did today.  Ever.  In one day, she decided to go head first into the "things that inevitably happen to parents" list.

I should have known when she was quiet.  Toddlers + silence = total world annihilation.  She came walking into the living room from the direction of the bathroom.  The oldest daughter looked at her and asked, "Oh my gawd, what is on your arm Rowan?!"

I was afraid to look, but being the stellar parent that I am, I looked.  You know what it was.  SHIT.  All over one arm.  I guess I should be... a) glad that she had pooped in the toilet, and b) glad that it was only a few smears on one arm.  Instead of the horrific mess it could have been.  But seriously...  she played in her poo.  *gag*

Not at all related to the post, but look at that innocent, sweet, sleeping baby.

Second on the list today... money.  She has become very interested in quarters, nickels, dimes, and pennies. If she finds one she immediately asks for her piggy bank.  However, occasionally she decides to put them in her mouth first.  I immediately yell at her to get them out of her mouth.  Today was no exception.

She was sitting in the floor in front of the tv.  I heard the change.  I told her three times to get the change out of her mouth.  In the blink of an eye, it happened.  She jumped up, ran to me, while gagging/spitting up.  As I swung her around to give her the Heimlich, she swallowed.

This happened 10 minutes before my husband got home and about 30 minutes after the pediatricians office closed.  I can't contact them until Monday.  I haven't contacted the emergency room yet.  98% of the people I asked suggested that all they will tell me is that it will pass on its own.  Many of them had done it themselves as children.  She isn't showing any signs of being hurt or that it is bothering her.

Now we are officially on Poop Watch 2014.

A Vacation Story: The Bad

Like I mentioned at the beginning of this journey, we don't vacation well.  The morning of the day we were leaving, I woke up with a stopped up nose and a sore throat.  I had hoped it was just a sleeping with my mouth open all night problem, but nerp.  I had an itchy, running like a faucet, sneezy nose the entire time we were there.  Do you think I took any Kleenex?  No.  I had to use napkins.  I looked like Rudolph.

The weather.  You can't really predict the weather you are going to have more than a week-ish out, but it was like Mother Nature was playing a seriously cruel joke.  The days leading up to arrival were hot, but pleasant enough.  The day we left was the most beautiful day I have seen all Summer.  The four days we were there?  Hot.  Heat index in the 100F+ mark, every day.  Temperatures themselves were in the high 90's.  Plus there were chances of at least 40% of rain and/or thunderstorms.  You know it stormed.  If you didn't already guess that the rain cover on the tent leaked, you haven't been following along.  The Vacation Gods hate us.

Every time Chris would try to go fish, it would start to rain.  Camping + rain + toddler = no fun.  Trying to keep her cooped up in that tent was not the most exciting thing.  Yes, that is an arm floatie in my face.  She wanted to go swim. Which we were only able to do one time because... weather.

Bridges.  I'm terrified of large bridges.  There are two bridges here.  One over Lake Barkley/Cumberland River and, the one pictured, over Kentucky Lake/Tennessee River.  This particular bridge is called the Eggner's Ferry bridge and is currently under construction because a barge hit it and destroyed two portions.  In the second photo you can see the repaired portion because it's a different color than the rest.  I mentioned it was still under construction right?  Because I am terrified of bridges of this size... again the Universe was like, "Hey y'all!  Watch this!", and told the construction workers it would be HILARIOUS to stop the traffic (already down to one lane) in the middle of the damn bridge!!!

While not exactly part of the "Bad" category, the Golden Pond Planetarium wasn't on the "Good" list either.

As evidenced by the looks on my kids faces, not the best experience.  They have different shows throughout the day and I chose one that I thought would be a good mix for us all.  I thought it was going to be about the different constellations in the current seasons sky.  And it was, to some extent, but they really should have mentioned a target age group for the different shows.  This show was clearly not meant for adults or older kids.  Also it only covered a couple of the constellations.  The demonstration of the laser lights at the end was better than the actual show.  Overall, we were not impressed.  Thank goodness it only cost $18.

The coup de grâce came on Monday.  While we were out perusing the animals, the animals were perusing our campsite.  Particularly, squirrels.

The squirrels at Land Between the Lakes have a serious hot cocoa addiction.  This is a regular hot cocoa container made of cardboard with a metal bottom and plastic lid.  It was inside our tent on the table with the rest of our food stuffs.  They also took out the majority of a loaf of bread.

But how did they get inside the tent, you say?  For your viewing pleasure...

That's right.  The cocoa-crackhead squirrels CHEWED A HOLE THROUGH THE TENT to get to the cocoa that was all closed up and minding it's own business!!  What's even better than all this is that I had to pick up squirrel shit from all over our bed because in their effort to escape the scene of the crime, they also tried to chew a hole through one of the windows next to the bed.  They were not successful in that plan, but did manage to get their cute little raisinette crap all over our bed.

Originally we had planned on going swimming the morning we were to check out because check out time isn't until 3:30pm, but that night is rained.  Again.  And on top of everything else that had gone wrong...

Broken zipper.  BROKEN ZIPPER!!

We were up, packed, and on the road in an hour and half the next day.  On the most beautiful day of the year.  The most camping worthy day.  All we wanted to do was get the hell out of that place!